R.I.P

I choose to be grateful for having had such a great best friend. People die, it happens. I was lucky to have such a great friend, everyone who knew him was lucky to feel that kind of warmth, we should be grateful for having been touched in such a positive way by whoever was in our lives.

R.I.P M.N 

3/2/1995- 13/12/2010

Mini-freak out

It's 4am and I was like staring at my calender making notes just now. I looked at the date, day, time and I was like............ oh my god B how did you miss the entire day? you blew it? your deadline is today! you missed it? then I realise i've got 12 hours till my deadline and felt sick lol. Wowers. I keep fucking myself over with work, getting behind because i'm having a hard time here and there and I just retreat back into my bed for several weeks. It's WEAK, stupid. I'm not going to be able to do this in nursing school I need to get my shit together now. I have become more consistent than I used to be though.........

Goals & Thoughts

GOALS

-Where do I want to see myself ONE year from now?

One year from now I will be half way into my first year of being a nursing student. 

-Where do I want to see myself THREE years from now?

Three years from now I will have successfully attained my BSN and be a RN. 

-Where do I want to see myself FIVE years from now?

Five years from now I will have successfully attained my MSN.

Have been looking into a phlebotomy/ nurse's assistant course. They're both about 6-7 months. I've been looking into it purely so I can work part time while in uni. Not sure if considering yet. Mid year enrolments end in June so I have a month to think it over. 

I miss him.

*Aggravated sigh*

God, I cannot wait to move out. My parents treat me as if I'm still a child. I am an adult who makes decisions for herself. I simply sat my parents down to tell them I've officially registered to be an organ donor, and my dad gets all "why didn't you consult me about this first?" and then when I tell him because it's my decision, he goes "well why are you telling me anyway?" so I just walk away. So here I am.


And, god, I cannot wait to move out.

Questioning What Is

I think about us being together a lot. In person, being able to reach out and feel one another. Living together. Our friendship stronger than ever.

I know I love him, but am I- are we feeling what we are feeling because we are lonely? If we weren't lonely would things still be the way they are?

Even though we make each other sleep deprived;

I love him.

To Myself

You need to stop waiting around hoping something will magically happen to make you happy. To make you feel worthy, to make you feel special- like you ARE something. Love yourself. You are someone. Stop waiting around. Be someone. Make it happen.  Make yourself proud.

Cartoons

I feel like staying in bed all day watching my fave cartoons/Disney movies/nick reboot. I feel like doing that now but my eyes are burning from pulling an allnighter, in fact I would have been more productive if I spent the night masturbating. I don't feel like I absorbed anything I've revised for the psychology test. I hear the birds chirping, it's 7am, I just gave my bird fresh food, don't think I'm leaving the house today. 

Check yourself before...

What am I doing???
B- you love someone in a different state! oh boy. I don't know if I would change this if I could because its the result of our growing friendship. How can I love someone so much though when I don't even love or accept myself yet? I don't know. I'm not in a relationship technically, but it's basically an emotional one. I'm breaking my rules.