Habits

Why does it seem like breaking old habits is so hard, and making a new POSITIVE one is even harder?

I'm officially no longer a student for the first time in my life. It's only for a semester, but still. I've withdrawn from all my classes and am applying to a nursing program.

I'm so dis-interested in things lately. Blegh.

Options

There is always options... I believe if you really want something then there is always time  for you to go after it. There's always a way.

Super Human

So, my doctor has been out of office for... several months now. It's very unlike him because it was very abrupt and no one knows when or if he is returning. Not to mention (why do people say this when we're about to mention it?) he just got back from a few month holiday overseas.

At first I was pretty scared, and I also saw it coming. I called it. I remember telling my friends I was worried about losing my doctor, since my psychiatrist moved away my support system was + is kind of crumbling slowly.

I went many months without going to the doctor cos' I was like nah I'll wait for mine. But I needed to go to touch base and talk about my health so I went yesterday. The guy is nice, I saw him once in 2012. We talked about a lot and had a laugh, so I feel comfy. I will most likely start seeing him from now on. I hope my doctor comes back though.

Something I've learnt though, is that everyone is human. Doctors may seem super-human as they have to deal with serious stuff, but we're all human, and I think that's important and refreshing to cement in our minds.

Onwards & Upwards

So I'm feeling like I want to stay in bed forever this morning. Forcing myself to get out of bed, shower and do some studying. There's never enough of that. Have psych class tonight. 

On another note, I've really fallen out of practicing yoga which always made me feel a lot better, so after my shower I will do a practice of that and maybe write in my journal to reinforce my goals, and get on with working towards them. 

R.I.P

I choose to be grateful for having had such a great best friend. People die, it happens. I was lucky to have such a great friend, everyone who knew him was lucky to feel that kind of warmth, we should be grateful for having been touched in such a positive way by whoever was in our lives.

R.I.P M.N 

3/2/1995- 13/12/2010

Mini-freak out

It's 4am and I was like staring at my calender making notes just now. I looked at the date, day, time and I was like............ oh my god B how did you miss the entire day? you blew it? your deadline is today! you missed it? then I realise i've got 12 hours till my deadline and felt sick lol. Wowers. I keep fucking myself over with work, getting behind because i'm having a hard time here and there and I just retreat back into my bed for several weeks. It's WEAK, stupid. I'm not going to be able to do this in nursing school I need to get my shit together now. I have become more consistent than I used to be though.........

Goals & Thoughts

GOALS

-Where do I want to see myself ONE year from now?

One year from now I will be half way into my first year of being a nursing student. 

-Where do I want to see myself THREE years from now?

Three years from now I will have successfully attained my BSN and be a RN. 

-Where do I want to see myself FIVE years from now?

Five years from now I will have successfully attained my MSN.

Have been looking into a phlebotomy/ nurse's assistant course. They're both about 6-7 months. I've been looking into it purely so I can work part time while in uni. Not sure if considering yet. Mid year enrolments end in June so I have a month to think it over. 

I miss him.